Thursday, April 26, 2012

Obama - a smoker's review

"Chief Shares His Dream of President Obama"

That's a good dream! Now for a pipe dream:

A new strain of OG Kush came out in honor of our OG Prez.

It tried it out for my migraines...

"I inhaled frequently - that was the point."

My thoughts on Obama:  It smells all right at first, but when you actually inhale, it tastes like shit!  Boo!

This little dark purple nug might put you to sleep, but that's about all it's good for.  Obama is definitely not top-shelf.  Obama is just "bad medicine"!

- THCalm Canary

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

ReWild, UnShoe, UnSpock!

(categorically better than Eat, Pray, Love...freer and more radical than Eat, Pray, Queef...)

 ReWild, UnShoe, UnSpock!

For best results, CTRL + click to play while reading along:

"Rehumanize Yourself" - The Police




Clap on/Clap off

UnWild/ReWild(rewind, unwind)


Spock/UnSpock(nonSpock, nonstick, unstuck)


1.  ReWild

From the Maine Primitve Skills School:

"Nature Literacy - Remedy For Institutionalized Minds"

2.  UnShoe

There is only one "right" way to walk, folks - like a fox (oh, fuck!).

Tom Brown, Jr.'s been saying it for years!  Where have we been?  Have we been sleeping?

If you haven't done any fox walking before, this illustration of Tom in a stalking crouch (a different technique) might help you.  Importantly, it clearly shows how the human foot is supposed to fall when fox walking in slow motion.

Not everything follows Hegel's dialectic...but I have a suspicion that muscle memory does.  Exaggerate your movements when learning to fox walk!  (it is useful to lift the knees high as you see here, though the arms can certainly be at the side in weasel walk fashion)

Fig. 1:  Tom Brown, Jr. demonstrating the stalking crouch in his natural habitat

For fox walking information, please read this:

And now a hypothetical...

Assume, dear readers, that you have the ability to ride your bicycle on its rear wheel with perfect balance at will.  Would you insist on riding your bike on one wheel as a matter of course, each day, for the rest of your (un)natural life, in a perpetual wheelie?

That's what cow walking is like.  Cow walking deprives you of the opportunity to use one of the most beautiful shock absorbers ever invented - the human calf.

"Our walk is devastating, not natural. Little babies have shoes like cement boots. Our feet are ruined from the first step we take in shoes."

     - Tom Brown, Jr.

3.  UnSpock

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Thermite...what thermite?

Michio Kaku squrims when questioned about 9/11 by We Are Change Pennsylvania and Boston:

The Fluoride Deception

Introducing...Dr. Stanley Monteith!

Watch here:


Also see "The Fluoride Deception" by Christopher Bryson, available here:

He has also written this book:


Russell Blaylock, M.D.

"Fluoride & Vaccines: Nazi Eugenics":

Part 1:
Part 2:
Part 3:
Part 4:
Part 5:


Is "The Calm Canary" really "Le Petit Tourette"?

 Archevore really is mellivora capensis, in my opinion.



"Weaving spiders come not here!"

Welcome to The Calm Canary Blog!  It's time to lose your political virginity!

Our world leaders (presidents, etc.) perform a mock baby sacrifice ritual known as the Cremation of Care ceremony every year under the redwoods at a place called Bohemian Grove, CA in front of a 40-foot stone idol Babylonian owl god named Moloch!  Say that ten times fast!  This grand tradition started in the 1880s.  There is video here to prove it.  Ridiculous claims call for ridiculous evidence!

 We don't just burn our cares - we cremate them!

Or alternatively, if you prefer an animated version of reality:

               "We no longer fuck the Earth - we DP it!"

Watch clip here:

"The Bohemian Grove, that I attend from time to time—the Easterners and the others come there—but it is the most faggy goddamn thing you could ever imagine, that San Francisco crowd that goes in there; it's just terrible! I mean I won't shake hands with anybody from San Francisco."

- President Richard M. Nixon on the Watergate tapes, Bohemian Club member starting in 1953.

Listen here:

Our world leaders are just like the woodland critters!

"For real and for true?" 

Watch clip here:

(Full episode is available here):

If you liked that episode, you might also like South PArk S14E10: "Insheeption":

I don't know if South Park intended this episode to be anything like Bohemian Grove, but a 20-foot owl demon with glowing eyes that molests little boys is sort of like a 40-foot stone owl idol at Bohemian Grove which has mock baby sacrifices offered in front of it yearly (not to mention the allegations of homosexual activities at the Grove).

And it is clear that some sort of therapeutic approach is necessary to unlock repressed traumas and bring them into consciousness. 


Newt Gingrich is confronted by WE ARE CHANGE - purely awesome:

"Newt Gingrich Autographs Bohemian Grove Picture" - WE ARE CHANGE

1981 News report with Frank Reynolds of ABC about Bohemian Grove:

RT reports on Bohemian Grove:

Horrible propaganda mind control cover story from the reHistory Channel:  (listen carefully - they actually think nothing nefarious is going on)

     Did you notice how she was suddenly okay with the activities at the Grove just as soon as she had been arrested and traumatized by Grove security?

Alex Jones confronts David Gergen:

And now that I've warmed you up, the full film:  (it might be nice to watch with a friend, it's sort of creepy alone)

"Dark Secrets: Inside Bohemian Grove" - Alex Jones

"Alex Jones offers insights on Bohemian Grove 2011" - RT America

"Alex Jones on gay rituals of Bohemian Grove" - RT America


There is a lot of overlap between members of the Bohemian Club and members of the Bilderberg Group, Skull and Bones, Council of Foreign Relations, Club of Rome, and the Trilateral Commisson.

And here is a great clip of Ron Paul talking about the Bilderberg Group:


Mr. Rockefeller eats the best ruminants...

(special thanks to Pinoy Cuisine for the photos - original article here:)

CTRL + click to play in a new window:!/s/Mrs+Robinson/3Kx7Ii?src=5

Koo koo kachoo, Mr. Rockefeller!

"Daniel Barber said Mr. Rockefeller was initially drawn to his restaurant because of its emphasis on local ingredients,"

- Marian Burros

 "In the end, the Rockefellers manage to make it comfortable for everyone."

- Joan Wilson

How do we make it comfortable for the Rockefellers?

Like this:

God bless you please, Mr. Rockefeller...


Monday, April 23, 2012

The Rat Race Myth: An intro to wilderness survival

Tom Brown, Jr. in an interview on wilderness survival:

Part 1:
Part 2:
Part 3:

"After Day 3 of a survival situation it's a matter of an hour and a half to two hours a day to take care of all of your needs."

- Tom Brown, Jr.


Golden Egg Award: "Everybody Is On Crack"

CTRL + click to listen here!

Listen up everybody,
Let me get inside your mind,
You don't need marijuana,
To have a good time,
You don't need ecstasy or booze,
Nothing like that,
All you need, all you need, all you need,
All you need, is a little bit of CRACK!

Everybody, is on crack!

(I love crack!)
You on crack! You on crack!
Everybody's loves crack!
Everybody - it's a matter of fact,
Your momma's on crack,
Your daddy's on crack,
(Oh, I love that crickity crack!)

(Love the crack!)

Everyone around the world,

Is your sister and your brother,
So let's all join hands,
And try to love one another,
You could make the world a better place,
We could get things back on track,
All we need is a little love,

(Mah crikity ba-bo-bickity crack!

Mah yummy yummy yum)

I got so much crack in my bones,

That my friends just call me Crack,
When I'm walking down the street they go "Hey Crack",
And I go "Hey Steve, what's goin' on?"
I got it in my heart,
And I got it in my socks,
When my woman and me are fighting,
I just give her a couple of rocks!

Everybody, is on crack!

(I love crack!)
You on crack! You on crack!
Everybody loves crack!
(Everybody's on)
Everybody - it's a matter of fact,
Your momma's on crack,
Your daddy's on crack,
That's why I love that crikity crikity crack crack crikity, bom-bom-ba-dickity love that crikity crack! It's a fact you gotta watch my back because I'm doin some... CRACK! I'm like Lojack, comin back for the crack. You know what I'm sayin? It's like, it's like, as a matter of fact I'm stacked to the back with the crack, you know what I'm sayin?

Are you feeling lonely...?

Are you feeling scared, and depressed...?
Don't feel like dancin...?
What you need is what I love and what I love is what you need it's CRACK!

What you need is what I need and what I need right now is a little bit of crack!


Thanks for the hints, Matt and Trey! 

I think they sing this song at the Christmas Eve party at the CIA!


Massive chemtrailing (CLOVERLEAF) operation over Corvallis 4/22, priming 4/21

[Photographs to come as soon as I learn how to remove their metadata!]

Healing Chemtrails

It sometimes helps me to listen to others who are very grounded.

A philosophical take on chemtrails!  Enjoy, and choose unconditional love!

Maine Primitive Skills School - "Lyme Disease and Japanese Knotweed"

Could there be a connection?

Friday, April 20, 2012

Are you AOL or AWOL?



*special thanks to Snarky Amber for this cartoon!

 Welcome, readers!

Is the Internet your tool, or are you the tool?

Well, the Internet is liable to fry your brain in a planetary environment like this one:  (check out that blazing light!)

DARPA, the Defence Advanced Research Projects Agency, specializes in warrantless wiretapping of US citizens.  Their official (discontinued) graphic for their Information Awareness Office says it all:  "SCIENTIA EST POTENTIA" - "KNOWLEDGE IS POWER"

Note the all-seeing eye of Lucifer at the capstone, shining down on Earth with "Total Information Awareness," or TIA. 

The pyramid is a symbol of compartmentalization, as explained here by David Icke: 

Personally, I suspect Facebook is being used as an information-gathering service a bit more sophisticated than that dusty, outdated Nazi color scheme.

They have a Facebook page.  Do you?

Their Facebook page says,

"Following public criticism that the development and deployment of these technologies could potentially lead to a mass surveillance system, the IAO was defunded by Congress in 2003. However, several IAO projects continued to be funded, and merely run under different names."

I found I just wasn't quite able to "like" the page, partly because I don't have a Facebook account.  And I don't have a Facebook account because I can't like the page, so it's a vicious circle, hehe.

"...several IAO projects continued to be funded, and merely run under different names."

This is true.  The new name, or a new name, is the "Information Innovation Office."

"But, Calm Canary!" you grumble, "I'm not a terrorist!  I don't have anything to hide!"

I don't either, but they do.


Thursday, April 19, 2012

(non)Local Hero, Vol. I

The gut-brain axis is a great VOS*, but a terrible master.

Stewardship of one's nervous system is practically a heroic act.


For best results, please CTRL+click on this link to listen to "Going Home: Theme of the Local Hero" by Mark Knopfler while reading along:!/s/Going+Home+Theme+Of+The+Local+Hero/39DNRP?src=5 

May it make you lonesome for your Self.


Where are you on your "hero's journey"?

Manifesting blue feathers?

Breathing into your heels?

Starting your Eden Project/Going Home project?  (Looking for your Magical Other?)

CTRL+click to listen in a new tab!

"Home" - Edward Sharpe and the The Magnetic Zeros


On par with TM 'experts,' I'll be a (non)local hero and point out thousands of faces of sillyness where I see them...


Silly local raw milkSMEEEAR campaign article:


Chris Kresser - Raw Milk Reality series

 "That's it...moo like a little cow for me.  There, dear...let me wipe your nose...yes."

Or if you prefer a more comforting, illustrated version of reality...

South Park - "You Don't Have To Feel Alone Anymore"

"I bet you can squeal!...I bet you can squeal like a pig!"

And for the daring - animated!...  (you can always look away - I did)

Am I suggesting that people who drink pasteurized skim milk are getting F'd in the A?  Yes.

And now to get really speculative...

Distilled water - could it really be a "common thread' between practices that have outstanding associated health claims such as urine therapy, raw milk, juicing, and vampirism?  Can it really help to decalcify a stony pineal gland?

Andrew Norton Webber - "Fluoride & Liquid Therapies":

Could his message possibly be true?


Silly Portlandia propaganda episode:

"Is It Local?"

What's wrong with this clip?  It is designed to confuse you.  I would suggest that it is even a disinformation play.

- poultry really isn't a healthy food in the first place - even though it has been painted as such in the MSM.  Even when pasture-rasied, poultry (especially turkey) is a bit ω-6 heavy.  Note that most poultry in the world is not pasture-rasied (and thus vastly higher in ω-6), as of June 2012.

(beef, lamb, and bison are vastly healthier)

- heritage breed, woodland-raised chicken (my fellows: insist on eating pasture-raised animals - it's the only unambiguous term)

- fed a diet of sheep's milk, soy, and hazelnuts (total nonsense!)

[SOY is powerfully (phyt)estrogenic - many times more than birth control pills - and is not a safe food for you or your chickens]

- he asks her twice whether or not the chicken is "local" - makes him look like a fag (even though it is ultimately an important question)

- she asks about the size of the space where the chickens run free, is told it is four acres, and seems unsatisfied

- "so weird with that gas pedal - that thing just moves the whole vehicle forward" - makes him look like a fag, further discredits any possible questions he could have

- he asks about the chicken's personal life

- "it tears at the core of my being the idea of someone just cashing in on a trend like 'organic'"

ORGANIC - a trend?

My fellows, hopefully by now you realize that this Portlandia clip was designed to discourage you from asking questions about your food, and to purvey the idea that those who do ask questions are silly/ridiculous/impractical. 

Certainly, even pre-metamorphosis, pipe-weed smoking Gandalf the Grey asked more pertinent questions than this nutritionally defunct pair!

"Is it secret?  Is it safe?"

- good information, that is.  And boy, oh boy, is it ever expensive!  Secret, safe information might well be stored in Swiss banks and polar seed vaults, for all I know!




"Should we have never invented the Internet?" 

Silly concept, intellectual feudalism:

I think the Rockefellers and others near the top introduced the Internet (which apparently started on this planet with DARPA - the ARPANET) - and now they are regretting it because of blogs like this one!

(see "Are you AOL or AWOL?")



Silly coconut oil cover story:  (don't be fooled - it's not radical enough!)

I do recommend you eat coconut oil.  I don't recommend you put it on oatmeal.

Cannabutter (or cannabis-infused ghee, or cannabis-infused coconut oil) makes an even better Alzheimer's remedy/preventive/preventative.  Just ask Dr. Weil - he knows the truth.

He also knows that self-talk during LSD trips can be a great way of ridding yourself of pesky cat allergies or fair skin!  Just look at that nice tan!

[if you don't believe me, see Andrew Weil's video on my post, "MariNoia, Vol. III:  Phoenix Tears".]



Look!  Dr. Day has a wife and a baby and he's the only doc in Oregon performing this "relatively new procedure"!  Are you convinced?  Aren't you ready to go under the knife yet?  What's taking you so long?!  Make up your mind! He's the obvious choice!

Brow surgery for migraines or brow chakra surgery to spiritually cripple budding shamans?

This seems the ultimate Problem-Reaction-Soultion, folks. Here is a video promoting Dr. Day's migraine procedure:

Within this video is every detail pertinent to my specific situation

- "relatively new procedure"
- "Corvallis doctor" - only one in Oregon performing this procedure (limited choice)
- requires the diagnosis of a neurologist, which I have at the ready
- less than a mile away!
- possibly cost-effective in the long term

Is it too good to be true?  I think so.  I'm a shaman, and a conspiracy theorist.  Live free or die!  I will never take the subdermal RFID microchip, and I will remain wary of brow chakra surgery. 


*VOS - vehicle of the Spirit